My Dog Makes More Money Than I Do

This is my dog, Vivian:

This is me (Mitch):

This is our household income:

As you can see, my dog is not only infinitely cooler than I am, she also brings home more bacon. In fact, she makes so much more than I do, I should probably be feeding her actual bacon all day while waving palm fronds above her head and squeezing fresh cucumber water into her dog bowl.

I can take it. I’m a grown man who has worked hard to build a freelance career. I sweat and toil each day to find new clients and deliver the very best work I can. It’s hard out there. I hustle my ass off.

It’s not my dog’s fault she’s (ridiculously) good looking. So what if all she really does is eat and sleep and go on walks all day? So what if she makes over 6.8 times the amount I do by basically just existing? So what if she’s the only one people care about when we enter a room?

Happy #fathersday to my human dad, even though he doesn't let me chase squirrels because "it wouldn't be fair."

A post shared by Vivian the Dog (@vivianwienerdog) on

I’m the one with the bank account :)

I’m also the one who gets to spend each day with her. I’m the one who gets to see all of the cute things she does before anyone else. I’m the one who gets to feel her unconditional love as soon as I wake up each morning—she’s usually staring at me, waiting for my eyes to finally open.

But that’s not all. I’m the one who gets to live his dream because of her. I’m the one who gets to make funny pictures and tell stories because of her. I’m the one who doesn’t have to get a day job because of her. I’m immeasurably lucky because of her, and I think about it every. single. day.

My dog may make more money than I do, but I think I get the better end of the deal. Lucky for me, she doesn’t seem to mind.

Photo credit: Wesley Verhoeve

Photo credit: Wesley Verhoeve